Until they don’t

You look at the world as everyone else looks at it.

Too ignorant to see the deliberations of your state of denial or rather not ignorant at all, just tired.

So you shove it under the rug;

Just to see dust particles float in the air, once rays fall on it;

You pull the curtains.

Alcohol consumes you, so you never ask.

You never let winter turn to fall;

tempted to hope that spring will show up on your doorstep with your favourite flowers;

but no.

Cause you know it’s not always daisies and daffodils ;

So you stay tucked in, doors shut, not letting the winter’s chill make you quiver at night.

No you won’t even let yourself feel cold let alone feel the first fuzzy scent of spring.

You’d never question.

Never dive straight into oblivion’s throat;

Skimming through tiny answers that lead to giant questions;

All the great whys that don’t make sense until they do!

All the memories sugarcoating trauma with, “Oh so beautiful tulle and laces!” hand woven by Nostalgia refusing to sleep until she does;

All the sunshine that fall into your eyes making you cry until they don’t ;

All the pangs and dizzying pain on the left of your chest that make you gasp for air until they don’t;

All the cuts and the scars that hurt too much until they don’t.

All the conniving knives that could kill you, just that they won’t.